Mourning my Mornings

Everyone told me my time would come, but I was so busy rushing those boys to grow up I didn't pay any attention to them. But my time is here. I miss my boys being little and staying home full time with them.

Zack is in First Grade and Carter is in Pre-K full time and I miss them. I miss being in charge, deciding what time they should wake up and what we will do all day. I drove by what is lovingingly referred to as the "McNasty" on Whitlock and I yearned for all of the playdates after preschool. It seemed like at the time that I felt controled by my circumstances, but now that I look back on them, my circumstances where my freedom.

Now I am regulated by all of our schools. What time I can drop someone off, pick them up, when I need to go to class. And I have signed on for this for the REST OF MY LIFE. I know I am headed where God needs me to be, but sometimes I just feel lonely for motherhood. I have loved being a mother and I know my job is far from over. I will mother those boys the rest of my life.

Carter has been giving me a hard time in the mornings. The school he is going to is completely new to both of us. And they do many things different from our old school. Michael said "Michelle, no school except for Weekday will ever live up to your standards." and I think he is right. I feel so blessed that for so long I had my children in an environment that was nuturing, loving and of course educational. They are now in the "public" setting. I am the biggest supporter of public education, but the loss of control I feel is a little unsettling.

But God didn't give me these boys to control. He gave them to me to raise and to teach them how to be independent men of God. I need God to help me let go of them, but cherish the stage in life they are in. I need to look forward to the next stages in life...baseball, boy scouts, reading, writing, friends, etc. etc.

Thank you God for giving me two precious boys to love and to honor You by raising them the way you have commanded me.