Conquering fear

I have been relatively quiet on my blog not only because of the business of life, but we have had a roadblock come up in our happy little family. I don't feel comfortable putting it out there for the world to read because I need to protect my family. But let me say this I was given a HUGE wake up call when it comes to the safety of my children. I no longer am taking for granted that there are always nice people around to help me protect my children. So because of what happened I have been deeply upset and unable to sit still. Well, all of the things I have had going on are over and it is time for me to face the music. God really does need me to be still and listen.

I have had amazing support, between my sweet precious husband who only wants to see his family heal, to my sisters, parents, in-laws and my dear precious friends. But even with all of this love and support the fear that has sat inside of me has almost consumed me. The feeling that I failed as a mother, protector has taken root and won't let go. So my options have been plow through or go get professional help.

So stay with me here...
We have been taking our boys to the lake since they where little bitty. This is Zack's 4th summer getting behind a boat in some fashion. But at the beginning of the summer something clicked in his little head and he decided he could not do this right now. We never pushed him, just gently reminded him how much fun he had in the past on the tube and asked everytime we where out on the water if he wanted to try, he would say "no".
Well, this past weekend he decided he was going to do it. I looked over and his little hands where shaking he was so nervous. My heart was beating wildly. I know the fear that he had and I wanted him to break free of it and go back to enjoying the tube. Whatever had taken hold of him, I wanted it to let go! He rode that tube, it was slow, but he did it. I was so extremely proud of him that I just burst into tears. Then not only did he ride that tube, he started acting goofy and having a great time. He's not riding wild around the lake yet, but he will get there.

So back to me...
Last night after almost a week and a half away from home, away from the problems that surrounded me, away from the fear that had taken root, I heard God tell me to be quiet and listen. This always makes me anxious, because when God has to tell me loudly to listen He has something major to tell me. I have also learned that when God asks me to do something and I am obedient, I am always blessed.

I started my prayers last night and begged God to take this fear. I do not want to live a life in fear anymore. Last night as I sat in the quiet, I meditated on my children. These two wonderful blessings that God gave me. I heard clearly God tell me to pray with my children. That's all I heard, for me to pray with my children. I told God that I would obey and I fell asleep quickly and hard. When I woke up I remembered what God asked me to do. So later that day I got Zack alone in my room and we talked about how courageous he was to get on that tube. I told him that I wanted to be courageous too and that I would like for us to pray and ask God to take the fear away from me. And my sweet little boy sat there and prayed with me and held my hands and together we asked God to give us courage.

Over the past few weeks I have not been able to go alone in public with just my children. I have always needed someone with me. But today I did it. I went to Publix and Target, just me and my boys. And it felt good. God took my fear and He gave me freedom. Trust and obey.

"I sought the Lord and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears."
Psalm 34:4